Gingivectomy

That's what the dentist did to me today.

Sure, I went in for a routine cleaning and sure, I haven't been flossing as much as I should and my gums are a little swollen. And I do know that, left untreated, gingivitis can kill you. Or at least I've always been suspicious of it.

But I thought that all the dentist would do was scrape some plaque off my teeth and give me a good tongue lashing for not flossing. But noooooo. She wanted to perform a gingivectomy to rid me of loose gums that apparently were creating deep pockets around my teeth for plaque to reside. She referred to it as "recontouring my gum line," which sounded a little too Park Avenue for my taste (forgetting for a second that my dentist was located on Park Avenue) but which I accepted because that's what you do when you are lying back in a chair with a bright light shining in your eyes and a masked woman poking your gums with a metal prod.

She attempted to ease my mind, though, by assuring me that she wouldn't use the "blade" but rather "just the sharp tool". I will not bore you with the subsequent gory details of my dental procedure, except to make note that it involved lots of blood. And when I rinsed and spat, I am positive I saw parts of my gum wash down the tiny little sink.

The upshot, of course, is that I have a killer new smile. Or at least I will when the new gaping holes in my gums heal over.