And no, I'm not talking necessarily about people who voted for Bush. He's got his bad points but so does Kerry. I'm talking about why people voted for Bush. According to exit polls, 25% of the voters rated "moral values" as their number one reason for voting. And who did you think they voted for? Bush. But why? Abortion? All Bush does is pay lip service to pro-lifers. Stem cell research? Forgetting that the president probably shouldn't have the authority to decide what does and does not get funded, again all he really did was pay lip service to those opposed. A symbolic act that has done nothing except cripple the budding ESC research industry. The war? Even the Vatican, the benchmark of all that is good and holy, has condemned it as an unjust war. The death penalty? I'm not even touching that one. Gay marriage? Ok, you got me there. Even though at the last minute Bush said he'd support civil unions....
But there are more stupid people out there! Let's check them out:
Young People. Hey, young people. Yeah, you who might have to be drafted or who might not get all your social security benefits or who might have to grow up in a world run by theocratic islamofascist fundamentalists (whatever particular way you lean). Yeah, you. You couldn't get off your stoned asses for one goddamn day to vote? When you finally do get off your asses, you're going to wonder how you ever inhereted this fucked-up world. Good job, young people. Your apathy makes me proud. And speaking of stoned slackers, that brings me to...
Alaska! Hey, you guys, up in that big-ass frozen wasteland. You voted to not legalize pot??? What are you thinking? It's not like you have anything better to do with your 3 hour long days than to smoke weed. Give me a break. Think of all the tourism you'd get! All those hot college chicks looking to score some reefer and have a shag. And it's not like you don't do it already. A friend of mine from college used to smoke up with her mayor. Her mayor! Sheesh.... But now we move on to...
South Dakota. Hey, you guys, up there in that squarish state with that funky mountain of presidents. Yeah, you. You idiots were represented by the Senate Minority leader. That's right, your po-dunk little nothing of a state was represented by the most powerful Democrat in Congress. Got that? The most powerful Democrat in Congress. And you voted him out. Why? Why would you do such a thing? Because he wasn't Catholic enough? Because he was a slimey, weasly two-faced politician? Actually, I really don't care. It doesn't matter. You voted out the MOST POWERFUL DEMOCRAT IN CONGRESS. You think anyone's going to give a shit about South Dakota now? Congratulations! You've just successfully voted your state into complete federal obscurity. Way to go, South Dakota!
And speaking of losing incumbants, right here in New York, veteran State Senator Olga Mendez (GOP) lost to Jose Serrano (Dem) by a margin of 5 to 1. Olga Mendez was a senator for over 25 years! Yes, that's right, a very powerful representative from New York City was voted out. A very powerful Republican representative in a Republican controlled Senate that is generally very hostile to us city dwellers and never wants to give us money. Guess who was getting us a lot of what we needed? Olga Mendez. Guess who, as a freshman senator is going to get us nothing? Go ahead, guess... Why, New Yorkers, why can't you get your heads out of your asses for one goddamn minute and realize that sometimes it is not beneficial to have a racially coveted minority as your representative and that not all Republicans are bad? Why?? Why do you do such things? Why? And of course, lastly....
Homophobes. That's right, you asswipes who voted for 11 of 11 amendments to ban gay marriage. Not those of you who voted for it because you don't like social engineering or genuinely believe you are protecting marriage, no I disagree with you but you can have that opinion. I'm talking about you assholes who gave into the fear-mongering of the actual homophobes who are afraid (ie the "phobe") of gays, afraid that legalizing gay marriage will lead to Bible-banning and priests being arrested and the entire ruin of civilization. Why? Why are you so stupid? Why do you let irrational, bigoted fear plague your thoughts and corrupt your actions? And why don't you want me to be happy and well-adjusted? But don't worry. We're going to get ours. Especially you guys up there in Michigan and Ohio. Those amendments are going down! Because we have a secret weapon. No, it's not a powerful culture-eroding ray broguht on by gential-anal contact. No, we've got something more powerful than that...
Old People! Come on AARP! Show us what you've got!
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